I was raised in a household with 7 other kids and when it came time to eat dinner, the table could get pretty loud. I am the youngest, so I don’t really remember this, but at some point, my dad made the rule that there was no talking at the table. Nada, zero. If you spoke, he would send you to your room and whatever was in your belly was your food for the night. Sounds harsh, right? He worked for Chevy in the parts department and probably dealt with a lot of noise and people all day long. He wanted to come home to a peaceful house and have a nice quiet dinner. Good luck with that. Did I mention there were 8 kids in our house?!!!

My older siblings still tell stories about it. They used to make faces at one another to try and make someone laugh so they would get in trouble. Any noise got you kicked out, so restraint was key. Less kids at the table, more food for those who stayed quiet! We still talk about it today and apparently the rule didn’t last for long. I’m sure at some point my parents were sitting there with huge plates of food scattered across the table while the 8 of us sat in our rooms mumbling about how stupid dad’s rule was and thinking of ways we could raid the fridge at midnight.

It made me think about how we communicate with others in a variety of ways. We do it verbally, non-verbally, in written word, and visually. I recently read an article that also includes listening which makes a lot of sense to me. Communicating well is important in every aspect of our lives. Here are three ways to communicate better with others.

Be Quick to Listen

One of my biggest pet peeves is being interrupted. It drives me nuts! Being an active listener is important so you can make an informed response to the person you are speaking with. It also shows that you respect what they are saying and that it has value. Those who are waiting to speak are simply just hearing your words and waiting for you to pause so they can jump in and make their point. I have learned more from listening to others, than I ever have by telling a person something I already know.

Be Slow to Speak

This piggybacks right off the first point. When someone finishes saying something and you pause for a moment before you speak it does two things. One, it shows them that you were listening to what they had to say. Two, it gives you a moment to think about what you are about to share and the ramifications of your words. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back. When a person says something hurtful and they follow it up with “I didn’t mean it”, I throw out the red flag. You might feel bad about what you said, but you meant it because you thought it first and then said it. It would be better for them to man up and apologize and ask for forgiveness. Taking time to respond to someone shows you are practicing wisdom.

Be Slow to Anger

The boys and I just watched The Incredible Hulk and even though it’s a cool movie, “HULK SMASH!” is the complete opposite of what we are looking for with this point. We need to learn to respond to someone versus react when we are having a conversation. Responding requires thought where reacting to what they said typically happens quickly with emotion attached to it. A thermostat controls the temperature in the room where a thermometer just tells you how hot or cold it is. Controlling our emotions and then putting our feelings into words will almost always be a better result than blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. 

If these three points sound familiar to you, it’s probably because you read them in the Bible. James, the brother of Jesus, clearly states all of these in the first chapter of his book that you will find in the New Testament. In my opinion the book of James is one of the best in the Bible and I highly encourage you to read all 5 chapters. It will give you great knowledge that you can apply to your life today.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”

James 1:19, NIV

Here are three more ways to communicate better with others:

• Make eye contact and try to avoid folding your arms during a conversation.
• Follow up an important conversation with a text message about how you appreciate them.
• If someone comes to you for advice and you don’t have an answer, tell them you will look into it and get back to them quickly. This shows you really value the issue they are having.

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