Last week I went hiking with my sons up in Payson, Arizona. We went to Tonto Natural Bridge and hiked through the cavern. It is an excellent hike with great scenery. There was some huge rocks to climb, a creek bed we followed for most of the hike and we even ran into an animal called a coatimundi, which looked kinda like a lemur. Totally awesome hike. I had the boys take turns leading the way and encouraged them to make decisions on their own. I let them know that it is important for the leader to do what is best for those following him.
The bridge was out so we had to go back the same way we came in. Just as we began our trek back, the sky started to rumble. The clouds were getting dark and we knew a storm was coming. It is August in Arizona so we are in the middle of monsoon season. These storms can sometimes come in quick with high winds and dump huge amounts of rain in a very short period of time. We quickened our pace, but did not rush. I wanted to make sure the boys didn’t slip and get hurt. At the halfway point the winds picked up and the temperature dropped. This told me the storm was about to hit soon.
The rain came in and we started to go a little faster. Unfortunately, I missed a sign showing us the way out of the cavern and kept going. Connor, my 10 year old, noticed that the terrain was different and said we had gone too far. We looked up and noticed a different sign that said State Park Boundary. I had no idea how far off the path we were, and the rain was picking up. We turned around and thankfully, we found the arrows pointing us out of the cavern just as the downpour started. That is when I told the boys to stop and huddle up before we left.
The “Ball Call”
I read many encouraging articles and books that help with parenting and leadership. The organization All Pro Dad is top notch. You can sign up for daily emails that send you awesome nuggets of wisdom on being a father. They have helped me a lot. One of my favorite authors is John Eldredge and his books have helped transform my life. John talks a lot about strength and that Jesus was a warrior. He was a perfect example of love, but he wasn’t just some guy carrying baby sheep over his shoulder. He flipped over tables and rid the temple of the moneychangers when they disrespected his Father’s house. I love how he depicts the man who took the nails and died for a sinner like me.
John is also the father of boys and he talks about how he made memories with them out in the wild. We hike often and many times we do fun and sometimes crazy stuff out in the woods. During the huddle I talked to Connor and Bryce about channeling their inner man. They needed to feel it and then let express it to anyone within a mile radius with a ROAR! I told them it started in their testicles. I said “you gotta feel it in your nuts!” and from there it went through their core muscles, into their lungs and eventually out of their mouth.
At this point we were in a full-fledged downpour. I started doing my best coach pep talk and got them all fired up. Our knees were slightly bent with our hands out front, aka the athletic position. “Do you feel it boys! Do you feel it in your balls!” They said “Yeah dad! We feel it!” Then we let out a tremendous roar that shook the trees above us. We had a great laugh and then huddled back up. I told them they were two of my best friends and that I loved spending time with them. Right before we left we peed on the ground to christen the event. Notice that “Christ” is in that word, so it’s totally ok…..
Leading the Boys
Another way for me to stay encouraged is to read the bible daily. There are many versions out there and one of my favorites is the Maxwell Leadership Bible. John Maxwell is an excellent leadership teacher and this bible is full of his principles. I am currently reading a chapter from the book of Proverbs every day. Once I finish I take notes on what verses spoke to me the most. Ken Madden, a former leader of our men’s bible study, once told me that “a short pencil is better than a long memory” and writing things down helps me harness the information.
A few days ago I read Proverbs 22. In verse 6 it talks about teaching your child when they are young and when group up they will not forget it. The leadership principle that John has attached to this verse is pure gold. He gives you three key words to remember: Modeling, Management, and Memories.
- Modeling- What you do has more impact on your kids than the things you say. They will copy the good and bad so as Dads we need to try and always be on point and control our emotions.
- Management- Each kid is unique and wired differently. This requires us to figure out adapt how we teach our children on an individual basis.
- Memories- Children will usually remember the fun things we do with them, even at an early age and will embrace them later in life. These memories are more important than anything you buy them.
While these three things are very important, I also want to encourage you to do one more thing as a father. Be present in your child’s life. I realize that quality time is important with your kids, but I am more of a believer in “quantity time”. By being present on a consistent basis our kids will come to us when they need something and it will pay off as they grow up when they run into bigger problems. I have made that a huge priority in my life and recently I saw its fruit.
Connor is entering 5th grade this week and will be playing for his school’s flag football team. They practice twice per week and have games on Fridays. The football league he normally plays in has games on Saturdays so I asked him if he wanted to play on a team in that league as well. I explained that it would require him to attend an additional practice per week and then play on Saturdays. To my surprise, he said no. I asked him what he plans on doing with all of the extra days he has during the week and without pause he said, “Play with you”. There is no comeback for that. I just smiled and said that I looked forward to it.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 (KJV)
Here are some points to think about this week:
- If you have boys take them out on a “man trip” and do guy stuff.
- Take your daughter(s) out on a date and show them how you expect a young man to treat them.
- Be funny and do something totally outside of the box. See how your kids react.
- Figure out what makes each of your kids tick and do your best to communicate with them in a way they will understand you better.
- Remember they are always watching so think about this- Would I do this if Jesus was hanging with me?
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